I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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