Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
