It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
