her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
