Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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