I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
