So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
