I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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