i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
