I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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