You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
