I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize