yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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