WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
