Too much gin, very little bucket
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
