1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
