I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
