Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
