I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
