Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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