im having a threesome with these popsicles
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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