I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
