He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
