Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
