4 words: hood of his car
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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