I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
vagina is talking i cant
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
