I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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