I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
