I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
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