I puked a lego.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
