Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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