come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
