I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize