Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
