The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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