Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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