I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
