I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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