so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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