I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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