just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
