Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
