Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
