You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
