I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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