Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
