Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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