You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize