Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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