Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Randomize
