I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
